Right now is such an emotional time. There’s lots of up and downs for all of us. We are living on a roller coaster of emotions around here. So when I say “heart ache” it’s really a double meaning of sorts. However, on Father’s Day, Jaret jokingly said, “Would it be wrong to have a heart attack on Father’s Day?” Not funny. He was having severe chest pains with pain in his back. We are on the “no-nonsense when it comes to heart pain policy”. So we took off to the hospital, the same one that saved his life back in ’17 when he had his first heart attack. I dropped him off at the E.R. entrance and went to park the car. There was a simple, “See you in a minute….” and I drove off. I parked the car, grabbed my mask, and quickly made my way to the entrance. A security guard stopped me, took my temperature, accosted me with hand sanitizer, and then sent me to the front desk. I told them my husband just went back and I wanted to go back with him. Two very loud and not very nice nurses said that due to the resurgence of Covid, NO ONE was going back. I started to make my way to the waiting room and they quickly told me I wasn’t allowed to be ANYWHERE in the building! I didn’t know what to do. How could the last thing I said to him be such a casual quip? I sat in my car for a few minutes until he texted me and told me he was back in the waiting room until they could get a room ready. I quickly ran to the window and tapped on it until I got his attention. There we were, him inside the hospital with his mask on with IV’s already in and me outside in the heat of summer in Phoenix, friggin’, AZ with my hand on the window so he knew I was there. Nothing could have pulled me away from that window.
I stayed there with him until they came to take him back to his room. They were keeping him and I had to drive away. I made the hard phone calls to the kids and family and let them know what was happening. I was so thankful for our oldest daughter, Meagan, that stayed with the girls while I was at the hospital and then stayed the night with us. I was a mess. All of the thoughts of “what if’s” and “what will happens” kept me in a place of shaking anxiety. I prayed to God that this was not going to be how this story ended. We have been married 24 years, together since we were 15 years old. THIS WAS NOT GOING TO BE THE END of our story. I had heart ache, too. I missed my husband and just wanted to hold his strong hand. I needed to be with him and make stupid jokes that he probably wouldn’t laugh at. We don’t work well without the other one. I struggled to pray for peace, but our God is a loving and perfect Dad and He gave me His peace because He knows my needs before or even if I can’t ask for them. I fell asleep and slept alone….. in perfect peace.
After lots of tests were run and more medicines were given, the Dr’s decided he could come home while we worked out what was causing him heart pain. Thankfully, it wasn’t another heart attack and he didn’t appear to need more stents at this time. It seems that his heart was working too hard and having seven metal straws in your heart to keep it pumping blood can cause pain. Too much angina equals more pills to take on a daily basis. Every week I make up my 43 year old husband’s pill box with his 15 pills a day. 15 pills a day! That doesn’t even include the shot he gives himself in his abdomen. I have a huge love/hate relationship with medications. (That is a blog for another day.) But on this day, I am thankful for the medicine that is keeping his heart pumping so I can reach for his strong hands another day.
After this little blip of too much excitement, I had to get back to work packing up our house and fixing up our new RV……. We have less than 3 weeks before this adventure begins. We are not promised how much time we will have together in this lifetime. Now, more than ever, I realize how important this life change is. I pray that less things and less stress, equals less heart ache and more peace.
Hello. My name is Jenny Sullivan. I am a 40-something mother to 4 kiddos (Our oldest 2 are homegrown and our youngest 2 daughters are adopted from Ethiopia and China). I enjoy horses, gardening, and writing. I love to laugh and I hope I can add humor into your day by reading my blogs. I believe God loves to see His children smile. My life is not an easy one, we face challenges of all sorts daily. I hope by blogging, I can share these experiences with you and take you along on this Perfect Adventure with me!